people having scarier-looking tuesdays than I...

I. Am. Sunburned.

Seattle was in rare 96-degree form this weekend and I was a little too ambitious. All told, I probably logged 18 hours in a lawn chair over the weekend. As such, I'm burned. If the apartment wasn't hot enough this weekend, I was my own bunsen burner, my own space heater, an unwitting radiator making the house even warmer. HOWEVER: pink as I may be, I found a few people looking at least as strange as myself (courtesy mostly of dlisted and perezhilton):

Sharon Stone
It appears she's been attending the Britney Spears School of Beauty, where shimmery eye-shadow and rat's nest hair refuse to relinquish their stronghold. That said, she's got fantastic teeth, even if the rest of her screams "I've still got it! I'm not getting old! I'm at least as hot as Tara Reid!" bwuahahahahahahahaha. Now, let's talk about that "Sixteen Candles-esque" prom dress item she's wearing...It's amazing how quickly a reasonably "well-respected" actress can become a parody of herself.

Janet Jackson
I'll have to plead ignorance to the "fat" phase that sparked the amazing weight loss that sparked a million photographs of her abs that sparked this spooky-looking picture...when was she fat? Where was I during those extra 50 pounds? And why does she look perpetually startled? To be further skeptical, why is her new song so lackluster? I heard a local dj call it "smooth." I would err more on side of "boring," but maybe that's because I expected something a little more high-octane to accompany her unveiling...something that at least projected the illusion of "I was recording this song AND doing a complex step aerobic routine AND benching a school bus all at the same time."
And by the way, Stevie Nicks wants her sleeves back.

Marcia Cross
She's a...striking woman most of the time. She also belongs in that "raptor-class" of people who end up looking more "dangrous reptile" and less "svelte tv star rumoured to prefer girls." I guess the fact that she's engaged partially takes care of the lesbian whisperings. She also falls into the "chest bones too prominant" category, and the "skin so wan she looks like she belongs in a wax museum" but hey, it reinforces the fact that there's someone out there for everybody.

Tara Reid
Something about the high neckline, unusual looking bun-coif and big beads around her neck looks like it's trying to be taken seriously (a recurring theme for Tara these days), but her eyes betray her. A tactic better than a funny-printed shirt (which, I have decided, would look more at home if it were made into a polo shirt and worn on the PGA circuit) would be to marry Chad Lowe (you know, now that he's single) and be cast in a movie as a boy. It worked very well for Hilary. So well, that I'll bet my sister and I are the only ones to remember her turn as the SHE-Karate-Kid in a movie so awful only I could love it (and watch it three times in a row).