people for the ethical treatment of lobsters?

I KNEW there was a reason I avoided super-yuppie Whole Foods: They're a bunch of illogical pansies.

Apparently the fact that Whole Foods is no longer selling live lobsers and crabs is newsworthy...fine, fine, fine. Apparently they're the "next generation's big-box retailer with a conscience." Good for them and their fantastic bacon (I hear it's fantastic...everyone says it's fantastic. In fact, people in my neck-of-the-woods can't even hear the word "whole" and "food" in the same sentence without launching into a sort of google-eyed state of fantastic-bacon-worship).

I can appreciate a certain degree of..."crustacean sensitivity" (i like watching crabs crawl around at the beach as much as the next girl and generally opt to toss them into the tide pools instead of let a kid with a chunk of driftwood bludgeon the poor things) but not when the cause is spearheaded by DITZES. Yes, ditzes.

Maybe it's the consummate literature student in me, but I tend to expect people (or well-intentioned yuppie foodstores with fantastic bacon) to substantiate an argument with reasonable evidence. I don't care if it's a beer commercial or a doctoral thesis...if you're making a point, back it up.

And try not to sound like a ditz.

Back in the middle school days, I had a bunch of girls over for a sleep-over, and the next morning, my dad made all of us a fantastic breakfast. I passed one of my friends a plate of dad's fantastic bacon and she looked absolutely. horrified. "I can't eat bacon...those poor little pigs!!!" So we passed her a plate of grilled ham. "Ooh, yummy, thanks!" said the friend, and ate three pieces.

This Whole Foods Social Conscience rearing it's head is the commercial equivalent to bacon versus ham (and i'm becoming conscious of the fact that i've never written the word BACON so many times in my life...)

The basic premise of the "we won't sell live crustaceans" argument is that it's cruel to the animals. Inhumane. They're kept in small lobster-dungeons (my favorite part of the family trips to Red Lobster as a kid--aside from the hush puppies which you CANNOT get on the west coast--was watching the little lobsters in the tanks writhe all over each other), then *GASP!* dropped into boiling water once their time has come.

But here's the kicker - this was the statement that earned the "ditz" label:

According to Fox News, a spokesman for PETA announced that they were thrilled with Whole Foods' decision because:

"The ways that lobsters are treated would warrant felony cruelty to animals charges if they were dogs or cats."

Well if that's the way you feel, People for the Ethical Treatment of Lobsters, I expect a likewise lofty crusade tomorrow against ground beef, your fantastic bacon, chicken breasts (free range or otherwise, because let's face it, the chickens died in the end, too, in a way that I'm certain would NOT be acceptable for Rex or Scruffy or whomever), salmon, giblets from ANY animal...etc etc etc.

FURTHERMORE, Whole Foods will continue to sell "frozen lobster products." Because it's difficult to watch lobsters writhe in your own stores knowing they're destined for someone's pot of boiling water, but if a processing plant somewhere in Connecticut stores them, slaughters them, disassembles them, and ships them to your store, you can feel warm and fuzzy and equitable about the entire process.