people with mondays worse than mine: 6/12/06
I think this will be my new monday-morning ritual...since I'm sitting here wondering how on earth another weekend could disappear SOOOO quickly, biding my time until another one rolls around and lamenting the rainy, icky, grey, dreary, depressing sight of the Ugliest Highway In America right outside the office window, can't hurt to do a little digging and figure out who (or what) else woke up this morning and wished they hadn't:
Superman
Been a rough couple of weeks for the Man of Steel, what with his unwavering heterosexuality being called into question by just about every major gossip source, not to mention aisle 4b of the local grocery store...apparently reports were so rampant that the director of the upcoming spandex-fest issued an "official" statement about the hero's orientation. Statement went something like this:
The rest of the denial is here. No one's talking about Clark Kent, however...that could give the movie an entirely new dynamic. Sport coat and dockers: Gay. Tights and cape: Straight, straight, straight.
Denise Richard's Abs
Rough Monday for her abs because last Friday, they unfortunately had no choice but to appear with the rest of her body at the Pussycat Dolls Lounge, in the sort of trashtastic regalia that does NOTHING but help her efforts to gain full custody of the SheenSpawn. I admire Denise's tummy, I really do...in fact, if I were going to abandon my children and galavant around Europe with a rock star's sidekick, I'd be sure to take abs like hers with me...but if a genie popped out of my coffee cup and gave me the option to sport Denise's body and Denise's head/neck/hair/face combo OR my own tummy and face, I'd keep my own softer, more...approachable figure. In short...that's one uncomfortable-looking woman. With uncomfortable-looking hair.
Bruce Willis
James Blunt beat him to the Petra Nemcova punch. Pictures of Jimmy looking pale and young and out-of-his-league here. Interesting, however, that even a $50k donation and ultimate action hero status weren't enough to secure the girl. Bruce would have to drop 40 pounds, spend a solid year avoiding all natural light, develop a fatalistic-emo-pop vibe and learn to sing like a girl. Now that I think about it, Kale's insistence that the metro craze killed the burly man's appeal is starting to seem more and more accurate. I'll stick to my guns - I'd take Bruce over Jimmy any day.
Keira Knightley's Abs
Her abs might not realize it, but if the rest of Keira's body has anything to say about them, their days are numbered. She's trying to kill them. In an attempt to score "decadent flesh" a'la Scarlett Johansson, she tells Elle magazine that's she's gorging on pasta and wine - here's a snippet of the article. I guess pasta and wine are the poor-man's implants? I actually think she might win this battle...I vaguely remember cleavage back in the early Pirates days, so I htink she's got it in her...
SupermanBeen a rough couple of weeks for the Man of Steel, what with his unwavering heterosexuality being called into question by just about every major gossip source, not to mention aisle 4b of the local grocery store...apparently reports were so rampant that the director of the upcoming spandex-fest issued an "official" statement about the hero's orientation. Statement went something like this:
"Superman 'is probably the most heterosexual character in any movie I've ever made,' said Bryan Singer, director of 'Superman Returns,' a new movie about the crime-fighting superhero that opens June 28. 'I don't think he's ever been gay.' "
The rest of the denial is here. No one's talking about Clark Kent, however...that could give the movie an entirely new dynamic. Sport coat and dockers: Gay. Tights and cape: Straight, straight, straight.
Denise Richard's AbsRough Monday for her abs because last Friday, they unfortunately had no choice but to appear with the rest of her body at the Pussycat Dolls Lounge, in the sort of trashtastic regalia that does NOTHING but help her efforts to gain full custody of the SheenSpawn. I admire Denise's tummy, I really do...in fact, if I were going to abandon my children and galavant around Europe with a rock star's sidekick, I'd be sure to take abs like hers with me...but if a genie popped out of my coffee cup and gave me the option to sport Denise's body and Denise's head/neck/hair/face combo OR my own tummy and face, I'd keep my own softer, more...approachable figure. In short...that's one uncomfortable-looking woman. With uncomfortable-looking hair.
Bruce WillisJames Blunt beat him to the Petra Nemcova punch. Pictures of Jimmy looking pale and young and out-of-his-league here. Interesting, however, that even a $50k donation and ultimate action hero status weren't enough to secure the girl. Bruce would have to drop 40 pounds, spend a solid year avoiding all natural light, develop a fatalistic-emo-pop vibe and learn to sing like a girl. Now that I think about it, Kale's insistence that the metro craze killed the burly man's appeal is starting to seem more and more accurate. I'll stick to my guns - I'd take Bruce over Jimmy any day.
Keira Knightley's AbsHer abs might not realize it, but if the rest of Keira's body has anything to say about them, their days are numbered. She's trying to kill them. In an attempt to score "decadent flesh" a'la Scarlett Johansson, she tells Elle magazine that's she's gorging on pasta and wine - here's a snippet of the article. I guess pasta and wine are the poor-man's implants? I actually think she might win this battle...I vaguely remember cleavage back in the early Pirates days, so I htink she's got it in her...
posted by heatheradair at 6:00 PM
6 Comments:
Okay...now it's my turn to AMEN!!
Thank you Thank You THANK YOU for bashing the pale girly-looking emo-manchild. it's really gotten bad here in Brooklyn where you see perfectly normal looking women dating wimpy men they outweigh by about 10 lbs. I don't know what these guys did to convince heterosexual woman that they were the superior evolutionary choice, but man am I sick of them.
And the Fruit Punch thing was hiLARious.
I'm with you when it comes to (as my man calls them), "Perfume-wearing-girly-men-in-BLOUSES."
Why do I want someone that requires as much maintenance as myself???? I'm supposed to be the "pretty" on in the relationship, why do I wanna compete with a man for "pretty" status?????? I prefer a meat-on-his-bones, hair-on-his-chest approach to the gentlemen, can't understand women that would rather date the masculine equivalent to a Nicholas Sparks novel...
I actually loved this article in Elle on Kiera. Then again, I probably am just coveting her wine diet.
And, T, I agree. I live in Brooklyn too and everywhere you turn its some Chris Robinson type with skinny jeans, a mulletesqe do and converse lanking around with a more fleshy girl.
Yeah Z, it reminds me of this.
I read an interview with Keira K where she said they basically painted cleavage on her for the first Pirates movie. Part of me was like, wtf? And the other part was like, mmmm. Would blusher work?
t - that wimpster article was perfect!
did they really paint cleavage on her? so convincing! I'm clearly in the wrong line of work....why should I worry about push-up bras and no pany-lines when I can go be a movie star and have them painted on--or off--whenever I want. hmmmm.....
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