people with mondays worse than mine...
Since it's monday, and I'm generally prone to feeling sorry for myself for at least the first 4 hours of the day, i'm trying a new tactic this morning: finding people who's mondays are a whole lot worse than mine. Sure, I could sit until lunch time lamenting whatever decision I made years ago that landed me here, at this desk, in this temperature-inconsistent office, in this uncomfortable chair, but instead, here's my list of people for whom this monday is almost certainly worse than mine:
Joe Simpson's ex-Son-in-Law
Jessica has offered Nick a $1.5 million divorce settlement. Apparently he's entitled to something like $17.5 million from 2005 alone...my guess is that money is tight at Camp Simpson after the Hair Extentions Venture and $1.5 is about all she's got left.
The brighter side: If the stock of "Team Jessica" versus "Team Nick" t-shirts at Kitson boutique in LA is any indication, the greater Beverly Hills shopping public prefers the mister. So he can take his million and a half to the bank and rest easy with the smug satisfaction of a man that just won the ultimate Rodeo Drive t-shirt challenge. And if that's not better than alimony...
The Briterline Fam
Must be nice to be born with the proverbial silver spoon...but that distinguished entitlement now comes with a new set of grueling expectations. According to The Artist Formerly Known as K-Fed, ""It's completely unfair when a child is brought into this world and now he's already looked at like a prince," the soon-to-be-dad of four explains to Item magazine. "My kids are going to have to learn what a real job is, what life is. You don't have it easy with me. Period ... My kids are going to work at Taco Bell, dammit!"
The brighter side: "real job" is a flexible term. If fast-food doesn't work out, they can check with daddy for a more palatable list of alternatives. The market for celebrity child tell-all exposes is practically unlimited.
Cloned mules
Don't know why this made me think of the Brangelina baby, but the cloned mule offspring of a horse and a donkey (the same two animals that previously produced a champion racing mule) came up short in competition against "traditionally bred runners." See, the genes of two stellar parents doesn't necessarily spell W-I-N-N-E-R for the next generation (still thinking of Brangelina Baby...how first reports suggest that she has "brad's nose." shudder...) Rough day at the Reno racetracks for genetically engineered MULES.
The brighter side: according to researchers on the cloning team, the clone's "athletic performance" is "one thing that will make people feel warm and fuzzy about cloning." That's the word from Kenneth White, a Utah State University professor involved with the project. And you know, I think Ken's right...cloning-for-sport makes ME feel warm and fuzzy.
Beyonce
She spent her weekend with Wal-Mark executives and Taylor Hicks in what had to be her most fun public appearance in recent history. If it wasn't bad enough that her featured Christmas marketing campaign didn't really connect with the megastore's target audience (what??? you mean the average Wal-Mart shopper didn't buy the idea that Beyonce shops there, too???) she must have had some final contractual obligations to fulfill...it's the only believable reason to explain her performance at the annual shareholders meeting in Arkansas.
The brighter side: while Wal-Mart rejected its shareholders' requests for humane chicken slaughtering, they "agreed to quantify its women and minority workers and to define their duties." So Beyonce was more than just a great end to a great meeting, she was also an inadvertent poster child for "The New Wal-Mart." An "organic" Wal-Mart. A Wal-Mart that "loves change."
There...now I feel muuuuuuuuuuuch better about my monday. All I have to do is come to work and warm the seat. My weekend was spent cruising the Barnes & Noble bargain racks...I have it pretty easy!
Joe Simpson's ex-Son-in-Law
Jessica has offered Nick a $1.5 million divorce settlement. Apparently he's entitled to something like $17.5 million from 2005 alone...my guess is that money is tight at Camp Simpson after the Hair Extentions Venture and $1.5 is about all she's got left.
The brighter side: If the stock of "Team Jessica" versus "Team Nick" t-shirts at Kitson boutique in LA is any indication, the greater Beverly Hills shopping public prefers the mister. So he can take his million and a half to the bank and rest easy with the smug satisfaction of a man that just won the ultimate Rodeo Drive t-shirt challenge. And if that's not better than alimony...
The Briterline Fam
Must be nice to be born with the proverbial silver spoon...but that distinguished entitlement now comes with a new set of grueling expectations. According to The Artist Formerly Known as K-Fed, ""It's completely unfair when a child is brought into this world and now he's already looked at like a prince," the soon-to-be-dad of four explains to Item magazine. "My kids are going to have to learn what a real job is, what life is. You don't have it easy with me. Period ... My kids are going to work at Taco Bell, dammit!"
The brighter side: "real job" is a flexible term. If fast-food doesn't work out, they can check with daddy for a more palatable list of alternatives. The market for celebrity child tell-all exposes is practically unlimited.
Cloned mules
Don't know why this made me think of the Brangelina baby, but the cloned mule offspring of a horse and a donkey (the same two animals that previously produced a champion racing mule) came up short in competition against "traditionally bred runners." See, the genes of two stellar parents doesn't necessarily spell W-I-N-N-E-R for the next generation (still thinking of Brangelina Baby...how first reports suggest that she has "brad's nose." shudder...) Rough day at the Reno racetracks for genetically engineered MULES.
The brighter side: according to researchers on the cloning team, the clone's "athletic performance" is "one thing that will make people feel warm and fuzzy about cloning." That's the word from Kenneth White, a Utah State University professor involved with the project. And you know, I think Ken's right...cloning-for-sport makes ME feel warm and fuzzy.
Beyonce
She spent her weekend with Wal-Mark executives and Taylor Hicks in what had to be her most fun public appearance in recent history. If it wasn't bad enough that her featured Christmas marketing campaign didn't really connect with the megastore's target audience (what??? you mean the average Wal-Mart shopper didn't buy the idea that Beyonce shops there, too???) she must have had some final contractual obligations to fulfill...it's the only believable reason to explain her performance at the annual shareholders meeting in Arkansas.
The brighter side: while Wal-Mart rejected its shareholders' requests for humane chicken slaughtering, they "agreed to quantify its women and minority workers and to define their duties." So Beyonce was more than just a great end to a great meeting, she was also an inadvertent poster child for "The New Wal-Mart." An "organic" Wal-Mart. A Wal-Mart that "loves change."
There...now I feel muuuuuuuuuuuch better about my monday. All I have to do is come to work and warm the seat. My weekend was spent cruising the Barnes & Noble bargain racks...I have it pretty easy!
posted by heatheradair at 3:54 PM
2 Comments:
Too funny. Hope your Monday ended well! I love the gossip, but the thing that made me the happiest about this post was that it contained the phrase, "champion racing mule". I'm going to have to look into mule racing now.
i never knew they were genetically engineering mules.
of all animals.
you learn something new every day :) and yep, why on earth people RACE mules...magical and mysterious to me!
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