blood disorder? please.

Time for me to weigh in (yeah, pun intended) on the ever over-publicized Nicole Richie eating disorder. Yes, that’s right. Eating disorder.

She can protest as much as she wants, spin it however she pleases, swear up and down that the team of experts Daddy’s paying to fix her up are only concerned with getting to the bottom of her puzzling, troubling, incomprehensible inability to gain weight – no, she’s not in TREATMENT, she’s in CONSULTATION. Fine. But we’re not fools.

I hate being played for stupid. I hate it when celebrity debutantes assume that the greater celebrity gossip-obsessed public is so gullible (and thinks she’s just sooooo cute) they’ll just believe the ridiculous excuses that get published every couple of days.

The latest: her team of Expert Physicians (read: Hollywood ex nip-tucker Docs now available for private hire, equally as adept at bad press damage control as wielding a needle, drawing blood, and looking convincingly empathetic as they’re photographed escorting their high profile client patient away from glamorously in-patient-esque facilities early in the morning) is concerned that Ms Richie may be suffering from a rare blood disorder that renders her completely unable to gain weight.

Because, you know, famous underweight girls that are genuinely concerned they may have a blood disorder would allow themselves to drop close to 50 pounds and then be photographed jogging on the beach in ill-fitting bikinis if they felt they were legitimately sick…at the very least, if you’re concerned that your weight loss is due to some rare, undiagnosed illness, wouldn’t it be slightly more likely that you’d be photographed leaving Whole Foods with your reusable shopping bag full of Lara Bars and protein powder, or stuffing your face with Azteca “Macho Burritos” – even in vain, than jogging, an activity generally associated (at least among people in the over 80 pound demographic) with weight loss…

Okay, okay, let’s say that – for the sake of argument – she got loaded, “accidentally” shared a needle with her best friend and ended up with some strange “disease.” Would your first consultation with experts happen AFTER you’d lost 40 pounds and suffered a year and a half of “EATING DISORDER!!!!” accusations around every corner? I mean, if I suddenly lost 20 pounds without any obvious explanation, you can bet I’d be running to my doctor – with a Jack-in-the-Box Ultimate Breakfast Sandwich and venti, whole milk, pumpkin spice latte in my fingers.

I’m no sucker. I don’t believe that Shiloh Jolie-Pitt has an ounce of either Jolie or Pitt DNA in her body. I don’t buy that either Tom OR Katie has any desire to live happily ever after together. I don’t think that Brit and Kev share a bedroom at Villa del Spears. I sure as heck don’t think we’ll find out that some sort of chemical imbalance is to blame for Nicole Richie’s problems any more than I buy that she and Paris were ever in any sort of feud.