i dreamt i was harrison ford once...

Recalling my really bad "chased by Misha Barton" dream the other day got me thinking about other bizarre dreams I've had over the years...celebrities actually pop up quite a bit. Some of my favorites:

The one where my mom sold me to Nick Nolte as a child bride

I was probably 12 when I dreamt that I'd been given to Nick Nolte as a wife. I cried while mom stood nearby and watched, telling me, "He'll give you the sort of life your father and I will never be able to give you...it's what's best for you." It was a windy day on a strange beach when Nick came to pick me up - mom was nearby to make sure I didn't try to bolt. He gave me a bouquet of candy roses. Yep. Candy Roses. Huge bouquet, too - all the colors of the rainbow. Woke up from that one in tears. Mom had a good laugh.

The one where I was Harrison Ford

I was Indiana Jones once for Halloween once (last-minute costume...borrowed a brown bomber jacket from dad, a funny hat, and stuck some rope through my beltloop that was supposed to look like a whip...I think that was the last year I trick-or-treated. Costumes were tough), had a definite Harrison Ford hangup as a kid...so how exciting that I actually got to BE Indiana Jones in a dream - problem was, in the dream, I was Harrison Ford being run down by a giant Oldsmobile...the dream ended with me/Harrison Ford pinned against a wall, smooshed by the Olds. Woke up glad not to be Harrison Ford in real life.

The one where Jacko stalked me through Grandma's house

In the first installment of a creepy recurring dream (often featuring accomplice celebrities like Misha Barton) I'm chased through my grandma's house by a knife-weilding Michael Jackson...at once point, I hid under Grandma's bed, and he came so close to finding me that his hair brushed my hand - I remember it was crispy like uncooked spaghetti and didn't feel anything like real hair...it was like alien hair. I knew there was a car parked in the driveway that I could use to get away, but Grandma kept her car keys in a drawer in the kitchen, and in my dream, it was both dark and I couldn't run properly (of course) - so I was afraid that by the time I dug through the drawer for keys, he'd have heard me fumbling and I'd be caught. And if I found the keys, would I be able to "run" with them all the way to the car in the driveway, get the key in the ignition and drive away before he found me? Even worse, Grandma was working WITH Jacko - right before I woke up I heard her whisper, "Michael...she's in the kitchen." Shudder.

The one where I stole pottery from Aaron Eckhart

Very bad idea. Aaron Eckhart: Runs very fast. In my dream, he owned an entire warehouse full of ugly pottery, displayed on grocery-store-style shelves, organized by color. I found a pretty rose-colored vase that I liked, grabbed it and ran. Aaron followed. Since - of course - you can't run quickly in dreams, I remember grabbing the sides of his pottery-display shelves and trying to use momentum to slingshot myself ahead of him. He caught me in the end. Woke up...not sure what happened to the vase...

The one where Matthew McConaughey renounced all other women and begged me to run away with him

REALLY disappointed to wake up from this one. He was articulate and poetic and desperate and pleading...he told me I was more beautiful than Ashley Judd or Penelope or Sandra Bullock. He wanted to be with me forever. We'd live on a Texan ranch and drive lifted trucks and I'd never be without a stash of Sour Patch Kids. He couldn't wait to tell his mother about me, to parade me around in front of his friends, I was the woman of his dreams. The only drawback - my sister. In my dreams, she sort of hovers in the periphery, popping up at inopportune moments to berate my common sense and remind me that I'm doing something wrong. In this particular dream, she followed Matthew and me everywhere, warning me that I was "just a temporary fix until he finds someone famous. It won't last."